Cassandra Holloway works as program director for Building a Positive Community, a nonprofit that focuses on substance misuse prevention and youth empowerment. Gavin Rea Holloway (2007-2024) “left a void that will never be filled, and the thoughts of how he has enriched the lives of so many in his world will stay with them always,” his family wrote in his obituary. “His essence, his spirit, his person — every part of him — is carried in all who knew him.”
BRATTLEBORO-September is Suicide Awareness Month, and this piece is what prevention means to me. It’s is for all the young people who deserve the chance to grow into the people they are meant to become.
Just over 2½ years have passed since my son, Gavin, died by suicide. He was 16 years old.
I write not because I have answers, but because I believe we need to be willing to talk openly about mental health, suicide prevention, and the ways we can better support young people and families.
Gavin struggled with his mental health, but he was very good at letting people see only what he wanted them to see. He had a mask that made it difficult to understand how much he was struggling.
I knew about his anxiety and depression, but I did not understand the full extent of what he was experiencing.
After his death, I learned more about my family’s history with suicide and mental health. I also found myself looking back at moments in Gavin’s life and wondering what we might have understood differently if we had known more about risk factors, family history, warning signs, and how young people can hide what they are experiencing.
There is no simple explanation for suicide. There is no single cause, and there is no way to know with certainty what might have changed the outcome. I am not sharing Gavin’s story to suggest otherwise.
I share it because I believe there are things we can do to create stronger systems of support, to make it easier for young people to ask for help, and to make it easier for the adults around them to respond.
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What I wish every parent and caring adult knew:
• Trust your gut. Young people can keep a great deal to themselves. If you notice significant changes in your child’s mood, behavior, relationships, or sense of who they are, pay attention and start a conversation.
• Take their emotional pain seriously. What may look like a phase or typical adolescent behavior can sometimes be something more. We don’t have to diagnose what is happening to know that a young person is struggling and needs support.
• Talk about mental health before there is a crisis. We talk about physical health with our children all the time. Mental health should be no different. Normalize conversations about emotions, stress, anxiety, depression, and getting help.
• Know your family history. Mental health challenges and suicide can have familial and genetic components. Knowing our history can help us recognize when additional support may be important.
• Make sure young people know they are not a burden. Children and teens often see when the adults around them are stressed. They may decide they don’t want to add to that stress. Remind them that they are never a burden and that asking for help is a strength.
• Build community. Parents are not meant to do this alone, and neither are young people. We need relationships, trusted adults, supportive schools, connected communities, and systems that make it easier to reach out for help.
• Be thoughtful about technology and social media. Young people are navigating an online world that can expose them to pressures and experiences they may not be developmentally prepared to manage. Families need support in setting healthy boundaries, staying connected, and understanding what their children are encountering online.
• Know 988. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 for people experiencing emotional distress or needing someone to talk to. You do not have to wait until someone is in immediate danger to reach out.
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Most importantly, we need to stop thinking of prevention as something that happens only when there is a crisis.
Prevention is about creating the conditions in which people can thrive. It is about connection, belonging, relationships, resilience, access to support, and making sure people know they don’t have to navigate difficult terrain alone.
I often think about how we cannot always change the terrain on someone’s path through life. Some people will face obstacles we cannot remove.
But we can walk beside each other.
We can shine a light.
We can lend a hand.
We can listen.
We can help problem-solve.
We can cheer each other on.
And sometimes, we can carry one another until they are able to walk again.
In honor of those who we have lost to suicide, please make September the month of kindness and grace. We all need it, and we all have it to give to others and to ourselves.
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If you or someone you know is in crisis:
• Call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. The Lifeline provides free and confidential support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, seven days a week, across the United States.
• Call 911 in life-threatening situations.
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