BRATTLEBORO-Thanksgiving will soon be here with the usual gatherings of people who are not likely to agree about a lot of things. In our divided nation, it's time to learn how to bridge the gaps, starting at our own family tables.
The divisions and hatred in our country are perhaps not surprising, given our history of violence, racism, and colonialism. And yet, there is something in our claims of being a nation of democracy, inclusion, and promoters of the good that needs to be revitalized now.
I would like to draw on the work of Marshall Rosenberg's nonviolent communication for a path forward. Instead of "they said, we say" and name-calling, we need to slow down our communication and focus on understanding one another. To accomplish this, we need to practice active listening to people with whom we disagree.
Real listening will help us hear more than what we reject. It allows us to see one another as humans with hopes, dreams, and needs.
To help with this, we can ask one another, "What do you really need?" This simple question guides the speaker and listener to the underlying issues that have led to divisions. In this space, we can discover common ground, although we will not instantly agree on other issues.
Common ground creates trust from which we allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to explore options to our previously held views and to see others as more complex humans with needs and aspirations, rather than as simple adversaries.
The ancient Hebrew word for "evil" is rooted in the word "divided." Evils in the world tend to grow in situations of great division, separation, isolation, and exclusion. Of course, these divisions arise from fears and often from lack of accurate understanding.
To break the cycle of fear, division and hatred, let us ask, "What do you need?" and then listen well. Let's give this a try at the Thanksgiving table this year, and see if we discover the possibility of communion with one another.
Beloved Community
Brattleboro
Rev. Ralph W. Howe, pastor, First United Methodist Church of Brattleboro
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